Improving my living situation. Whether by moving out to a new place, or getting one roommate in particular to move out. This is tough bc this particular roommate is a friend who is semi-dependent on me. And so I feel incredibly guilty about not wanting to live with this person. And I do not want anything bad to happen to this person as a result. Very sticky situation.
MONEY. To move. To pay off my credit cards and bills. To get a tattoo. To spend on other people.
Daydreaming about having a job that I enjoy. Like working for the county doing GIS, or opening a group class fitness studio.
A boy that I really really like and want to be with all the time and kiss all the time. Why do I really like him? I dont know. So terribly afraid he is going to hurt me. Because I worry. Its what I do.
Puppies. Want. The end.
Just now I was trying to rank these things in order of most important… and its very difficult. Because I really want things to work out with this boy, and I really want money and a happy job and a peaceful happy clean home, and I really want a puppy. I want it all. Equally as much as the last. Dammit.
It would be me and him. Some one who puts up with my bullshit and occasional neuroses, and I’d put up with his. I’d do nice things for him and he’d do nice things for me. Once in a while we cry on each other’s shoulders. We could live in a cute little house and have a dog or two, who we would take on peaceful, leisurely walks with us. We would share friends, but still have our own. We would sit and do nothing together. And we would go places and have new experiences together. We’d have just as much of an emotional connection as we do physical.
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”—The Little Prince (via caches)
And it’s been suggested to me that if I were to move to New York, my uncle who has a bajillion connections bc he’s a priest, could easily help me find a job. I would also be able to live rent free. In New York.
I get to sing this. And the whole requiem mass. I just find it ironic yet perfect, seeing as the reason i decided to join choir again was for my grandma who just passed away last weekend. Let me tell you, it’s a whole nother kind of awesome to be a part of creating a sound like this song. It’s amazing.